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Tuesday, September 21st, 2004
11:12 pm - Update
Well, been a long time since I've talked. Well, whats new? In my life a lot. Kind of plays out like a soap opera. The guy in the picture before was my fiance for about 3 months. Engaged on my birthday, was going to come in March and pick out a ring and set a date and look for an apartment. Yay!! Then, on Christmas day night he calls me, after I got back from the family holidays, from his honeymoon suite(with his wife in the shower) to let me know that for the past 5 months he had been lying to me. Never got a Visa. Told me the only way to obtain an American visa was to marry a Costa Rican woman, then he could obtain his American visa. He didn't really love his new wife, no, he just had to marry her so he could be with me. Well, if you believed that he was telling the truth, then you shouldn't read any further. I called him a lying asshole then hung up on his ass. To this day, this happened in 2002, still calls me, still vows to marry me, still obsses over me. Freak!!! Next scene. Met new guy at party. Old time friend. Very nice. Very Cute. Very single!! Yay!!! Started a whirlwind romance. Had wonderful times. Even dropped the big L word. But low and behold, holding on to my luck with men, 3 months later, broken up. All started with one missed phone call. Now hold on, before you judge me, let me explain. He called on Saturday night, we talked and he said he would call me on Sunday night to let me know if he had off on Monday and if he was going to be in town(only lives 40 minutes away). He never called. I tried to get hold of him on Monday morning before I went to work to no avail. My second job, from which I originally had off off on Monday night, called and asked if I could work Monday night. I told them I would get back to them, then procceed to call and left a message for him to call me right back. Never did. An hour later, called my second job back and told them I would be available to work Monday night. Got home to the apartment, to change and check messages, there was only one from my mom. Changed, called him and got him on the phone. Told him I had to work tonight, he told me he thought I had off, I told him that I got called in, he asked my why did I let them call me in, I said I tried to get a hold of you, I didn't have any idea if you had off tonight, he then interupted and yelled oh stop that. Now by then, I was pissed,so I told him I was running late, gotta go, bye and hung up. And we have not talked since then. Oh well. Many people, and I truly believe, told me that if he had any interest at all in me, he would have tried to get a hold of me, if not that night, then later. Never did. So, I've written him off. Now before you start forming your opions of me (oh she's so hard to please, needy, etc.) just remember that every person has got to listen to THEIR heart and only THEIR heart. If they feel hurt or betrayl then they've got to let the person who hurt or betray them know. They've got to listen to THEIR heart. And this is what MY heart was telling me. It always been telling me this. I just never listened before. He was great, he was wonderful, he was fun; but now, he's in my past. Like my mom said, got to expand your circle. So on to the next guy. Got a few prospects in mind. Already had one ask me to go on a motorcycle ride coming up. Anxious and nervous. Don't know if I'm gonna go yet, might wait a week or two. Birthday is coming up soon. It looks to suck! Lost boyfriend, parents are gone for the day, to visit my sister, work will forget(one girl is getting me a present, yay) and who knows on others. Right now life is looking a little bit down, but as you can see, a lot can happen in 2 years. Maybe, I'll write a little sooner to keep in touch and let you know more about my soap opera, um excuse me, life. If not, live life to the fullest, enjoy the good and the bad, just remember that without the bad, you can't cherish the good, and fall in love as often as you can. See ya.

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Saturday, February 22nd, 2003
3:34 pm - JOSHUA

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Thursday, December 5th, 2002
9:56 pm - Stuff
A wise person once told me that it was refreshing to write down what you feel. Here goes. Confused, sad, lonely, melancholy, depressed, and overwhelmed. I always feel overwhelmed. It feels like I'm being pulled in one million different directions. I know that everybody says that you always feel this way around the holidays. But, I've felt this way most of my living days. I know that I don't work a second job, I don't have a boyfriend, and I don't have too many friends. So, I always wonder WHY do I feel overwhelmed? Low energy, lazy butt, couch potato, I don't know? I only know that I feel like my life is going nowhere. I'm in a HUGE rut. I don't know how to get out. I can only hope that a solution presents itself and that if a solution does present itself, I choose to act on it.

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Saturday, September 7th, 2002
11:50 pm - the first entry in my journal!
i like the pillsbury doughboy a lot!

http://www.doughboy.com/Doughboy/Default.asp

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